OCD in Relationships (ROCD): A Comprehensive Guide

Relationship OCD (ROCD) Symptoms

Symptoms are seen to be different for different people. However, some of the common ones include:

Obsessions

• Urgent, intrusive thoughts surrounding the need to know whether your relationship (can apply to romantic relationships and friendships) is ‘the one’ 
• Intrusive thoughts during sexual intimacy, infidelity, or ‘impurity’ of one’s love  
• Fearing that you’re not good enough for your partner
• Fearing that your partner isn’t good enough for you
• Questioning what it means to find someone else attractive
• Fears about your partner’s relationship with an ex
• Fears about what might happen if they find out ‘who you really are’
• Fears of comparing one’s love to the kind one sees on the internet and social media

Compulsions

• Mentally ruminating on whether your partner/friend is a good person
• Mentally ruminating on whether the relationship is healthy or toxic
• Mentally checking for emotions of love and fulfillment toward your partner, child, or loved one
• Compulsively seeking reassurance that your obsessions are not true, i.e., asking your friends what they think of your relationship, asking your partner if your relationship is right, etc.
• Avoidance of topics, things, and places that trigger uncertainty about your relationship 
• Self-punishment for the content of thoughts
• Checking your body for signals of love or attraction while with the person in question
• Googling ‘signs of a healthy relationship,’ ‘signs of a toxic relationship,’ etc.
• If you engage in masturbation and have fantasies that don’t involve your partner, you ruminate over what that means.
• Hearing other people’s love stories and comparing them to yours 

Types of Relationship OCD

There are essentially two types of relationship OCD: one which is relationship-centred and one which is partner-centred. The obsessions and compulsions present themselves in different forms, depending on the sub-type.

Relationship-centered

This kind of ROCD suggests that the individual is more focused on the nature of the relationship itself. It may look like extreme anxiety and fears about whether the relationship as a whole is ‘right’, their feelings toward their partner, or how they feel towards them. For someone who struggles with relationship-centered obsessions, try to neutralize these feelings by engaging in compulsions such as rumination or reassurance-seeking to validate their feelings and the strength of the relationship.

Partner-focused

This kind of ROCD suggests that the individual is more focused on the partner and, more importantly, on their flaws—whether it be things to do with appearance, morality, or anything they may deem to be flawed. For those with ROCD, these perceived flaws can be taken as a sign that this person might not be the one for them, and they feel anxious about their life choices. Obsessing about our partner’s faults feeds into the doubts and uncertainty surrounding our relationship, even when we’re otherwise incredibly happy.

What causes ROCD?

The causes of OCD, and by extension, ROCD, are unknown. However, research has suggested that there is a genetic component to this—if one’s blood relative has it, then one is likely to also have it. Another causative factor is brain chemistry and the alteration of the neurotransmitters in the brain. It can also be influenced by traumatic life events. 

The Relationship OCD Cycle

The vicious cycle of OCD is present in ROCD as well. Relieving one's compulsions may offer temporary relief, but the obsessive thoughts will return sooner than later. The cycle here is called the Relationship OCD Cycle. 

Obsession

Obsession with factors in the relationship can cause distress in a person. Mentally ruminating on whether your partner/friend is a good person, or whether the relationship is healthy or toxic, or mentally checking constantly on the person—signs of obsession. 

Distress

There is a normal level of distress that all sorts of relationships bring. In the cycle, however, it is brought about by obsessive thoughts, which ruminate and make things worse. The distress caused can manifest in the form of anxiety. 

Compulsion

The distress presented leads to compulsive behavior or action. Repeatedly asking and performing tasks which retain to relieving the anxiety one feels. 

Temporary Relief

Performing the compulsive action will lead to temporary relief, which acts as temporary relief. However, this is not permanent by any means—soon, the obsessive thoughts return, and the cycle continues. 

How ROCD impacts romantic relationships

Even if they want to be in a healthy relationship, they are not able to stop battling the constant doubt that creeps up. Their perceptions towards what is ‘good’ get distorted, they feel retroactively jealous about their partner’s previous partners, and they tend to self-sabotage the relationship so that they don’t have to deal with the reality. There is a sense of distorted interpretation, and that can lead to many problems. 

Am I Experiencing ROCD, or Is It Just Typical Relationship Anxiety?

Although they may appear similar to the untrained eye, relationship anxiety and relationship, OCD are two separate conditions. Conventional anxiety arises in everyone at some point during the lifetime of an important relationship. However, relationship anxiety can become quite severe and cause a great deal of emotional distress and exhaustion if left unmanaged. The major distinction between the two is that even at its most severe, relationship anxiety does not result in compulsive behaviors like relationship OCD.

Treatment Options for ROCD

The most appropriate treatment for ROCD is known to be Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). The primary goal of this treatment is to take relationship OCD out of your life so you can get back to enjoying your time with your family and loved ones.

Managing ROCD: Tips for Sufferers and Partners

Although therapy is usually necessary for at least a portion of treatment, there are steps you can take to help manage your symptoms, neutralize anxiety, and get your relationship on the right track. Taking stock of how things really are by asking hard-hitting questions can be a benchmark to start. Taking count of unmet needs and addressing them straightforwardly can also help. Conversation, open and honest, can go a long way.

Moving Forward with ROCD with the help of Cadabams

If you happen to be experiencing symptoms, or you think a loved one is, no one has to face them alone. Engaging with an online therapist at Cadabam’s may help alleviate your ROCD symptoms, improve your current relationship, and give you the tools and self-reassurance to enjoy fulfilling intimate relationships in all areas of life. Take the first step toward feeling good in your own relationship—and remember, we are here to help you get there.

If you are searching for a solution to your problem, Cadabam’s Rehabilitation Centre can help you with its team of specialized experts. We have been helping thousands of people live healthier and happier lives for 30+ years. We leverage evidence-based approaches and holistic treatment methods to help individuals effectively manage their OCD. Get in touch with us today. You can call us at +91 96111 94949. 

FAQs

1. What does relationship OCD feel like?

Relationship OCD involves uncertainty, fear, and doubt surrounding the purity and intention of one’s relationships. In a very regular OCD pattern, this leads to one feeling seemingly unhappy and distressed despite being in a great relationship. This OCD subtype can be incredibly painful for those who wish to have deep and fulfilling relationships with someone they love. The compulsive behaviors can lead to hours of rumination and add immense strain to the relationship.

2. Does relationship OCD go away?

With the right kind of help and support, yes, it can. If one engages in psychotherapy (CBT and ERP) and has the right kind of support, both from the partner and other loved ones around them, then the healing process can be significantly easier. 

3. What makes relationship OCD worse?

Not getting the help one needs can lead to the relationship souring over time since there is only so much it can bear. Not only is it tough for the one who is experiencing it directly, but it also affects the other person in the relationship. Not having someone to talk to, other than the partner themself, can also be straining the relationship. A good treatment plan in place is possibly the best route to go by. 

4. How do I get rid of ROCD?

Although therapy is usually necessary for at least a portion of treatment, there are steps you can take to help manage your symptoms, neutralize anxiety, and get your relationship on the right track. Taking stock of how things really are by asking hard-hitting questions can be a benchmark to start. Taking count of unmet needs and addressing them straightforwardly can also help. Conversation, open and honest, can go a long way.

5. Can OCD people fall in love?

Yes, they can. There is no reason why someone who has OCD can’t fall in love. However, it must be taken into account that the people in love should address this and get help for it because, at some point, it is very likely that it will cause strain in the budding level of the relationship.